I meant to post this on my Birthday yesterday but Yahoo was having so many problems it had to be delayed.
As I enter the 34th year of my earthly existence I find myself very tired. This is the most overworked, burned out, and over burdened I have been at any given point in my life (thus far). This is due to multiple factors at work, Jess’s Wreck, financial situations, no real vacation for 2 going on 3 years, and the list could go on and on. If I was doing one or even two things wrong I could correct it but when all the factors start out as a little tiny snow ball at the top of Mount Everest no matter who you are when the snow ball gets to the bottom you are going to get smashed.
Don’t take me wrong I still love my job it has just been a very demanding year. You combine that with doing everything possible to assist Jess with her recovery and all the issues resulting from her wreck; it has made for a very long 2008 to this point. As Jess alluded to in her recent witness on the church website it has been very rough for us this year. I am not depressed, I am not ungrateful for all the Lord has blessed me with, I am just drained. The reason was put very plainly to me in the sermon this week at church when I put this passage up on the screen.
Matthew 11:28-29 (Mes)
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on
religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me
and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you
how to take a real rest… Learn the
unforced rhythms of grace."
This awesome passage can not only be used for religion but also for all areas of your life.
So as I set back once a year to reflect and take an inventory as I often do for personal goal planning (just never published it), I have decided one very important thing.
I suck at giving my burdens to the Lord.
(Don’t really know if you can use those two words in the same sentence, but it gets my point across) Sure we all surrender some things to the Lord and some of us surrender nothing but the ones of us who are weighed down with matters of this world are not surrendering enough. As a very type A+++++ personality with a dash of OCD this is very difficult for me to do. I generally end up being harder on myself then other people, I always expect more from myself then I do anyone else.
So what is the answer?
- A 12 step recovery plan?
- A self help book?
- Run away from all my troubles?
- Quit my job and begin following my favorite 80’s band’s around to all the state fairs?
I say none of the above.
- How about spending more time in God’s inerrant word The Holy Bible.
- How about deepening my faith beyond my daily routine.
- How about stepping outside of my Christian "Comfort Zone"
- How about surrendering more to the Lord
- How about working on my Prayer Life (Needs a lot of work)
- How about taking time in my life to allow God’s never ending Grace to wash over me enough to slow me down a little.
Once you get this eternity thing worked everything else has got to be gravy.
To some this may seem a little too personal to be posted on the Internet, but hey I don’t care. I cannot be the only one in this world who has let everyday life that has nothing to do with eternity wear them down to a pulp. This life is not all that there is so why live everyday like it is?
I am still young, and there are still many more years ahead then there are behind. (The prior statement is both to the best of my knowledge and statistically speaking) These are things that I need to change now so that I can really live my life. So as I tried to develop a personal mission statement for this year, this one immediately came to mind and says it all to me.
Refocus, Re-Prioritize, and Balance.
You are only as old as you feel and right now for me that is not 34. It’s time to take care of this issue before it takes care of me.
Jake, I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have been in school for 20 years now and although I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I just get worn down at times. But when we are the weakest is when we learn that very hard lesson of relying on others. You are much like myself in that if it can be done by me alone, then that’s how its done. Leaning on others and God is a very hard lesson for a lot of people, so you’re definitely not alone on that one. I have found the career that I intend on spending many years doing, but just because you love what you do doesn’t mean that there won’t be good and bad times. This is a hard time, but trust that if God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it. I don’t think that it is taking for granted all of the blessings that you have. I see it as the drive instilled in you to be the best you can be in all facets of life: Christian, Husband, Worker, Son, Brother, and so much more. Sometimes we do need to slow down and remember that life isn’t just about where you end up in the end, but the fun of making it there. I hope this helps and doesn’t sound preachy. I feel your pain, I’ve been there, and I’m there for you any time you need it.
so many thoughts going through my mind with this entry, jake. mainly i am still so awed at the work of Jesus in your life. i’m so blessed to have you not only as a friend but as a brother. thank you for your openness and honesty in sharing your heart here. God will use it for your growth and to nudge others. (smack others up-side the head maybe??) anyway, don’t feel alone. you are most definately NOT the only one.
and no way it’s been 34 years since that little baby came home to 2675.
This reminds me of a Poem I have in a frame hanging on the wall in my office.
The Title is:
“LET GO AND LET GOD”
As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my Friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How can you be so slow?â€
“My childâ€,He said,â€what could I do?
you never did let go.â€
You’re not the only person to go through this feeling. I would say most of us 30 somethings look at our lives in retrospect and feel as if we’re climbing uphill. If you have the Intestinal Fortitude to be able to work it out with the ways you’ve mentioned then you’re stronger than most of us. ( I personally like the 80’s band thing, but that just shows how weak I actually am) My “Grand Revelation in Life” is you can’t let what people think control you. Again, I’m weak and that’s my struggle, our corporate goals i.e Society’s, Worldly, the Norm, are the very things we need to walk away from when we get home. A friend told me to “leave it at the Door” perhaps what he should have said was “Leave at the altar”
Thank you all for your encouraging words and testimonies.
In the last 11 years, in many ways, we’ve grown up together. I am so thankful, not only for the man you were, but for the man you are now. Some things have never changed (the way you take care of me and all of the day-to-day things in our lives), but in other ways, you’d be a stranger to the man that stood at the altar with me 9 years ago. You would have prefered a ceremony in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator, but you settled on a church wedding because it’s what I wanted. Over the years, there have been some very tough times, with some of the toughest being the last several months. I am so thankful for each and every day we’ve had together. I love you. I’m looking forward to many more years together…
Now, if we can just figure out how we can convince Greg to don the Elvis costume…